I think it's been a long time since the last time I wrote in this blog. Janji sama diri sendiri buat rutin nulis satu minggu-satu post akhirnya dilanggar juga. It's been a tough week. Kerjaan, dinas luar, pindahan kosan, dan masih banyak lagi kegiatan lain yang bikin buka laptop di weekend jadi hal yang haram dilakukan. But right now, let's talk about life. People say that life is not meant to be easy.
Kecewa karena harapan tidak sesuai dengan kenyataan, rencana yang udah disiapin akhirnya berantakan, konflik dengan teman, ngerasa nggak capable saat ngerjain tugas yang udah di assign, atau disakiti oleh orang-orang terdekat.
To be honest, I've been there. Those days when my world feels crumbled, when I was at the lowest point of my life, when I was almost give up on myself.
When we’re at that weakest, lowest point of our life, what shall we do?
Ketika sedih atau merasa terluka aku lebih memilih buat ngelepasin semua beban emosional itu dengan caraku sendiri. Menangis, menulis, menyendiri, melakukan hal-hal yang dapat mengalihkan sejenak dari kesedihan.
Someone told me kalo menangis adalah simbol dari kelemahan. Identik dengan sifat cengeng, pengecut, atau penakut. Tapi bagiku, nggak sama sekali. Menangis adalah tanda bahwa kita adalah manusia, yang bisa terluka, kecewa, atau merasakan kepedihan. Menangislah, karena kita manusia. Never pretend that everything is okay, but deep inside, we know it's not. Try to feel the pain through your skin, don't rush yourself to heal all those broken pieces. You got hurt, you cried, you suffered. Just feel it, completely.
Cobalah untuk jujur pada diri sendiri. Akui bahwa kita sedang bersedih, sedang terluka. Give yourself time to healing. Jangan memalsukan perasaan dengan berpura-pura bahwa kita sudah baik-baik aja. Do everything you want to make you feel better, naik gunung kek, jalan ke mall sendiri kek. Anything; except hurting someone who've been cared to you, just to make you feel good about yourself.
Also realise that everyone has different period of healing. Maybe it will take some days, some months, or some years to heal all the pain inside. Trust your own time, never rush. Find someone you can talk to, someone who will help you to unpack your emotional baggage. Remind yourself that everything is gonna be okay, remind yourself that life goes on, no matter what. Remind yourself that this is just another test of life.
You may have heard Haruki Murakami's quotes,
"When you came out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about"
Calm down, pull yourself together. Embrace your weakness, accept that you have things you can't control, own your failure and for that moment, feel the "human" inside you. And be grateful for that. That means you're still here, breathing, and thankfully, alive. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to shed these tears, it's okay to be flawed, it's okay to explain why it hurts, it's okay for us to be kind to ourselves, it's okay to be happy, it's okay to start a brand new life and turn the page into another chapter.